Natalya Is Actually Awesome

Hey. Hi. Me again. Sorry to interrupt your whole crimmus. I won't be long; just tedious. Despite how that might've read, that was not a hamfisted attempt at doing like a "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" thing. Trust me, it'll be way more hamfisted when I do it on purpose.

So I want to just shout out Natalya Neidhart for a moment. Natalya doesn't get her due. Natalya has been wrestling for 23 years, with the last 15 coming with WWE after signing with the promotion in 2008. She is routinely made the butt of jokes that she's been in WWE for 15 years and despite being here the whole time, never really having much to speak of or show for it. She's constantly spoken about in these really cruel ways, as though having "only" a couple of title holds across that 15-year span makes her career just wallpaper.

Natalya Neidhart, actual not kidding legend

You know what Natalya Neidhart has done in that 15 years? She came to work. Natalya Neidhart learned every lesson her mentors had to teach, because you don't stick around at the top level of the business that long if you're not willing to pay attention.

She's gone on to become a mentor herself. In 2023, Natalya might only ever get minor roles onscreen, but you know where she is a leader? Backstage. She's got her locker room on the same page. I read and listen to a lot of wrestling news (clearly, as I'm taking great pains not to quantify it) and hear a ton of drama coming out of both AEW and WWE. In such a political industry, it is remarkable that the WWE women's locker room has gone almost a decade without any major reported strife or division. You think it's the wallpaper in charge of running that tight a ship? Yeah, I don't think it's big egos that are keeping the peace. 

Irrelevancy? Tell that to her 75 pay per view appearances. Have most of those been winning efforts? No. But you know why you get a reputation for being everyone's first feud? Because you know your craft well enough you can guide someone much less experienced through it. You hand an up-and-comer their first big W in a blowoff to a couple-month storyline, and you give them that credibility to elevate up the roster, and you might have just made a star out of someone. Natalya Neidhart was there between the ropes doing the work that built the Flairs and the Paiges and the Beckys Lynch up into the icons of the sport. Natalya added an important chapter to dozens and dozens of different stories because she's a damn good worker, and there is tremendous honor in that.

And she did nothing the whole time? First women's two-belt champion. Yeah. Not Becky Lynch. Natalya came up with the Hart dynasty. She trained in the Hart Dungeon. You think they graduate her if she didn't earn it? When your name comes up in conversations with names like Chyna, you have more than earned your accolades. One-half of the Divas of Doom alongside Beth Phoenix. Won the Women's Tag Championship with Tamina–and this is before the belts were cursed! They still had credibility when she won them! 

Anyway, I just thought I'd get that off my chest because I think it's shallow, mean, and incredibly unfair to talk that way about someone who has devoted her life to the business. Wrestling is in her. You do not need a lot of runs with the title to prove that you are a credit to the sport. And she is. Natalya has made professional wrestling as a whole demonstrably, meaningfully better for a lot of people in ways for which she cannot immediately receive due credit. We should appreciate someone like that. Thank you, Natalya. I see you.

Okay and yeah elephant in the room I fell off the edge of the Earth trying to do that multi-part series because I'd start one, then get another idea, then think of someone else, and it was like trying to catch an entire swarm of flies at once. That first entry is coming. This year? Shut up. You're not my boss. Don't tell me what to do I like my room messy get out

I'm Posting a Multipart Series Because "Cry For Help" Sounds Too Dramatic

I love pretty much everything about wrestling. At every level, wrestling to me is about as perfect a platonic ideal as I can point to of the word "passion." Wrestling is a storytelling medium unlike any other. That's not hyperbole. Pro wrestling is still pretty much incomparable to anything else in the modern day, and just marinate for a second on how rare a thing that is. In a world of imitators, there's nothing else like it.

Wrestling shows are joyful, ridiculous celebrations of a really bizarre thing. Like, in the objective sense. Wrestling is just a weird thing from the perspective of, like… thoughts.  That's not what fighting looks like! Ropes don't work like that! It's a fake sport where people with poor to sometimes very good acting ability with a similarly various assortment of physiques roll around and play fight like superheroes. Sometimes a man in a mask jumps off of something. Folding chairs are nature's Swiss Army Knife. Wearing a referee shirt gives you glaucoma and narcolepsy. There are no bad ideas. Wrestling starts from a place of "yes."

It's a totally open forum where any idea is allowed. Sometimes you get a guy who dons a nylon armband that looks like a snake and cobra strikes his opponents; sometimes you get an evil Canadian Mountie; sometimes you get a spooky undead wizard undertaker whose soul resides in an urn carried by his assistant named Paul Bearer; sometimes you get Friar Ferguson.

Yeah, they can't all be winners. I hated the Mountie.

Sometimes a prison warden kidnaps the Chihuahua of a crazy person named Al Snow who talks to a (female) mannequin head he carries with him at all times he named "Head." A few episodes later, that prison warden invites the crazy person to a hotel to apologize over dinner and reunite the crazy person with his dog. Then after the commercial the prison warden (named "The Big Bossman," by the way) reveals to Al Snow that Al had thought was a normal dinner was actually Al Snow's Chihuahua. He had been eating his own dog the entire time and only realized when Bossman mentioned the dish had a lot of pepper in it. "Pepper" was the name of Al Snow's Chihuahua.

Then they settle it at the pay-per-view in a steel cage match, except the steel cage is surrounded by another, bigger cage that for this match they call a "kennel," but which is commonly referred to as "an unnecessary cage." They tried to distract from the monstrosity by filling it with pit bulls. To win the match, you had to escape both cages. They tried to make it look harrowing, but the dogs were all like tranqued up and scared and mostly just barfed and shitted and barfed and ate they barf and doed a sex. 

That match was called The Kennel from Hell Match. They only did one of those matches. The reason why not is because it sucked. Some website called The Wrestling Section rated the Kennel from Hell Match the 19th worst wrestling match of all time. So heads up about the website called "The Wrestling Section": I think website is all written by AI and algorithms because the Kennel from Hell Match has never been the 19th anything.

This isn't the most exciting picture I could find of the match, but it is the clearest.

It is all very, very silly, is what I mean. We all know. We are all well aware.

But you know what else? Throughout that whole entire trainwreck remained earnest. They maintained sincere, unflinching commitment to the bit. It's an art form about embracing anything, no matter how bizarre or eclectic or silly. As long as you think it could move people, you are always free to try. Anything can be a match. Any belt can feel the most important for three seconds. Anyone could tell a story between those ropes if they wanted to. And more people should.

When you're in front of people, you're always portraying someone else, but it's a little different addressing a crowd as "it's just my actual personality dialed up to 11," or "guy who's tough," or "guy who's strong," or "guy who's just happy to be here." But where it seems like other genres are stagnating and becoming more safe, stale, and formulaic, wrestling is richer and more diverse than ever. It's just nice that among the jocks and the tough guys there's a place for "guy who cooks dogs," too.

So over the next number of days which will probably end up being too low but also seem way too high, I want to talk about some of the wrestlers I think are pushing the medium of wrestling through their characters. I'll get it out of the way now that anyone who steps into the ring to work has my utmost respect. If somebody doesn't get mentioned, it's not a mark against them at all. There are just so many all-time greats.  I know. I'm going to leave a ton out and, believe me, it's going to haunt me way, way longer than it's going to haunt you. If anything, it's the finite nature of time and the ever-present looming specter of mortality that's inconveniencing us. Just be nice if you leave a comment, okay?

EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LISTEN WRESTLING IS AMAZING

 Let me tell you about my new favorite tag team: The Boys, Brandon and Brent.

I love them. They are amazing.

They're unambiguously coded as gay. Not offensively flamboyant, but more than just out. They fight like monsters. All their moves make them attack like beasts. Seriously. The way they attack and move is evocative of animals. They have elaborate tumbling routines into moves. It's exactly the weird, different shit I loved as a kid. 

The way they move through the air and dodge and evade is incredible. Don't get me wrong, they're starting off as heelish jobbers. Basically a tag team of evil henchmen there to take pins for their leader, the suave, self-styled hedonist socialite Dalton Castle.

And they do like comedy sound effects.

Incredible. Amazing. There is nobody else out there in the mainstream like them. We need to appreciate that.

Awesome stuff unlike anything we've ever seen this side of the border--at least in the mainstream. This is amazing. Oh my God! It could've been like this all along?? We got all the gravity-defying flippy lucha stuff from Mexico, and it was amazing, but we were missing this. We needed this. WWE needed this.

Would you ever see that portrayed that cool and that earnestly in a Hollywood movie? No. Then why would I care about Hollywood movies?

I hate repeats and rehashes. Show me new stuff. More like this, please.

But not, like, the same thing but a little different. Show me something out of nowhere. Weird. Show me weird. And I say this to you now with all earnestness and sincerity that if The Boys ain't the future of wrestling, then it is a much poorer future for it. This is an amazing showcase of the weirdness wrestling can be. Don't turn away from it. Embrace it! You'll find the kind that appeals to you. 

So let me tell you about the kinds of wrestlers I like. I like the Randy Savages. I loved the vampires and the weird goth team that jumped off high things. I loved the team of breakdancing dorks and their fat friend who slapped his own ass and sat on his opponent's face. My first favorite, die-hard favorite wrestler was the guy  who just presented himself like a star and he was so charismatic he jumped out of the sport and won the championship in a completely different form of media. 

Stone Cold was alright, but he was "a tough guy." Cool. Seen those. Brock Lesnar was intriguing as a hard-as-nails tough guy because he was legit as they come with the credibility to back it up. But I don't care about the next Brock Lesnar. Seen him already. His name was Brock Lesnar.

But let me show you what I really mean. Let me show you how wrestling can tell stories. I don't mean good guy and bad guy. I don't mean David and Goliath. I mean any story you can think of, as long as you can present it in the form of a match. Sound too lofty? Let me provide an example.

Watch this and tell me it's not amazing. You can't. Nobody can survive being that wrong.

This is a match between my favorite wrestler, Orange Cassidy, and career-long friend and wrestling space alien Kris Statlander. Watch as, over the course of 11 minutes, they tell an utterly incredible story.

Dude, tell me this isn't amazing. A guy who doesn't care fights an space alien in an intergender match and it fukken ruled. Let me explain, and watch the story of this match unfold.

Kris doesn't know how to approach an opponent that doesn't attack her, and Orange Cassidy doesn't care to try and win it. Orange Cassidy just keeps evading her and evading her until finally the alien nearly strikes a blow that Orange can only just barely dodge. It's at the turn of act 1 that we see the first part of a multi-layered story and the match unfold. The guy who doesn't care meets an equal in combat, and suddenly he wants to win. And so a legitimate contest ensues.

Oh. Yeah. "Wrestling isn't the greatest medium for telling stories known to man," said the person who needs to stop having bad opinions. Look. Video proof wrestling is irrefutably amazing. Shut up and watch and let it show you.

Anyway, the Earthling's underhanded (some might say "heelish") tactics cause his opponent an injury, suddenly he takes advantage. Now the question of the ultimate twist ensues: is the Earthling the good guy?

LIKE SHUT UP

SHUT UP

WHAT

TELL ME WHAT MEDIUM TELLS THAT STORY BETTER

I'M SORRY TO TELL YOU THAT NO

So the match proceeds on into its final act. The fans have turned on Cassidy and cheer for Kris Statlander as she fights back against bigger and bigger moves from Cassidy's arsenal. She guts it out time and again, just barely beating the count.

In the end, the alien wins. Kris Statlander evades Orange Cassidy's signature spray from the mouth with orange juice. Stat lands her finisher and triumphs to rapturous applause as she seizes Orange Cassidy's championship.

But that's crazy. She gets the Earthlings to chant for her in the end. Her catchphrase came true in the end: "I am your leader."

Wrestling is amazing. It's amazing. Shut up. Yes it is. If you're still arguing I'm wrong, you didn't watch it. Watch the video. Watch it. It's amazing. You'll thank me. Watch it.

That's amazing. They told that whole story without dialogue. Oh my God.

Wrestling can tell a story unlike any other medium. If you say you don't like wrestling, that's like saying you don't like food. Yes you do. You just don't like what's been served to you.

I'm Just Gonna Say It: Julia Hart Is Awesome

I started this blog for a few reasons. The main one was to consolidate bothering all my friends about wrestling sporadically throughout the day and instead focus that energy into annoying them quite a lot all at once. A close second item on the list was to maybe get some people into wrestling who might not have thought it was for them. On the days I'm not embarrassing myself as a grown man dressing in wrestling merch in public, I think a lot of people look at me and are surprised to find out I'm really into wrestling. Somehow there remains a perception that wrestling has a "type."

Pardon my churlishness, but malarkey.

Wrestling has a "type" like pizza has a type. In this case, the metaphor for food is a story, which you might not have gotten because the metaphor was very good. I personally think you can mash together any combination of story and food and make a good pizza and/or match.

Without hyperbole, I sincerely believe not only can you tell any story with wrestling, but that it can be good! Deep down in my bucket list, I want to stage a production of Romeo and Juliet as a wrestling show. Just do the whole play in the style of matches, promos, and backstage segments on a stage and ring in front of an audience. Then I want to do a film noir screenplay set in a wrestling universe. I love this sport. I think it has so much to tell.

That brings me to the third reason I started writing all this stuff down here: I want to shine a spotlight--however small--on somebody up and coming in the industry who doesn't get enough attention put on them. After all, people aren't always going to be in the prime of their careers. The people who are at the top? Those years are finite. If you don't build new stars now, then there won't be enough top talent to go around when everyone starts retiring or can't go in the ring anymore. That's the rational, utilitarian argument. And while I concede that is technically correct, I think it's more correct to say that's a big ol' load of boloney.

Here's the facts: Just push people when they're hot. Which is to say: when somebody is popular, put them on TV and have them win.

Case in point: Julia Hart. 

Julia Hart

Julia Hart has improved massively since her days splitting time as a wrestler and ring valet to the Varsity Blonds. Hart's last two televised victories over Skye Blue and Kiera Hogan--two up-and-coming talents in their own right--looked extremely convincing. Outside of the ropes, Julia Hart punches far, far, far above her weight. 

Maybe that exact entrance wasn't for you for whatever reason. Maybe you suck. Maybe you don't like good things. Maybe you've got a grudge against fun. That's fine. I get not everyone has taste. But even if you choose to be wrong and not like it, I think we can all agree that Julia Hart pulls that act off at a level almost nobody could do. If she can do that, let her do it! She's getting bigger and bigger crowd reactions. AEW should turn Hart loose and start booking her in big matches. She doesn't have to be there yet. She gets there by getting there.

Julia Hart's put in the work to get to this level. As of today, she's on a 25-match winning streak. That's not her total number of wins--that's matches in a row since she's lost. She has put a lot of time between those ropes getting better. Julia Hart could be the big focus of the AEW women's division going forward. At least try. The crowd response has grown louder for her each week. I say give Julia Hart that big spotlight. I think she'll surprise everyone stupid, but everyone smart (me) will get to say, "See, dummies? I told you."

Julia Hart has recently struck me as someone whose character work has really come into its own in the ring recently. Hart's double act with Brody King as her bodyguard and herald has been an awesome and very pleasant surprise. I think Julia Hart has all the makings of a star! Her style in the ring is perfect for the camera. Hart has vastly improved as a wrestler since her last stretch of TV matches 4 or so months ago. Now her moves are crisp. Her hits feel sharp and sudden and terrifying. There's a way to how she conveys herself in her movements. It's cool seeing the character develop, particularly since she's spent the last two years in the House of Black learning her craft under the mentorship of one of wrestling's most meticulous storytellers and characters: Malakai Black. 

I think she can handle the pressure, is all I'm saying.

AEW has shown a knack for molding raw talent into screen-grabbing celebrity. Somehow, they have brought out decent performances from guys who a couple years before could barely hold a microphone. They're not winning any Oscars, but they're also not actors. It's not trying to be prestige TV--it's just entertainment. By that standard, the acting is honestly... pretty great. 

In two weeks, Julia Hart's character already has a more defined motivation and is working towards a clear set of goals. Hart is willing to do whatever is necessary to get a shot at Kris Statlander's TBS Championship; that means fighting dirty, injuring fan favorites, attacking after the bell, and overall making life so miserable for the good guys that it would be irresponsible for Kris not to intervene. That's a great reason for a championship fight! Book that, please! Heck, give Julia Hart the belt! You make someone a star by making them look like a star!

AEW is ripe for the next breakout talent. Julia Hart has that star power in her. Of course she has weaknesses. This is how she gets better! That's what wrestling's about: accentuating the positives and hiding the negatives. Give Julia Hart a chance. Let her stumble, let her grow, let her find her style, and she is going to spend the next decade chilling you with promos. Put her in front of the camera and let her go! I don't know the secret to AEW's sauce, but I can tell you it is Julia Hart's turn to cook.

Everyone Goes Out On Their Back

In wrestling, there's a tradition that a wrestler should go out on their back. That is to say, a wrestler should lose their final match as a way to give part of their fame and their star to the person who beat them.

At least, that's supposedly how it works. There have been several examples of final match winners, including several stars who came back and won their "one final match" return to the ring. Even Ric Flair won his final match. Heck, even the Undertaker, the man many say believed in doing what was right for The Business above all else, won his final match before riding off into the sunset.

But that's not to say the mentality that's the way things ought to be doesn't exist. With that, I want to talk about something really interesting that's going to be unfolding over the next 12 months. That, and one incredibly petty reason that I'll get to later.

On the Wednesday, September 13 episode of AEW Dynamite, Brian Danielson (Bryan Daniels in WWE) announced he plans to retire in one year's time, coinciding with his daughter's seventh birthday. It was a heartfelt and hilarious segment that included 8,000 people booing a child for turning six. Wrestling is amazing, you guys.

Dude just straight up no-sells a stadium full of people mercilessly booing his daughter

Bryan Danielson just won the second of two matches in an intense feud with Ricky Starks. It was a feud that started entirely by accident, when Bryan Danielson stepped in three days before the September 3, 2023 All Out pay per view. Ricky Starks' original opponent had been suddenly fired from the company for reasons outside the scope of this screed.

The butterfly effect of the last-minute substitution took the form of a glaringly violent strap match. For the uninitiated: a strap match is an especially rare stipulation, but it's basically where there are no rules, except I guess the two competitors are joined at the wrist by a 10' leather strap. Bryan won the match after choking Starks out.

This past Saturday's AEW Collision gave us the the only possible escalation of the original Starks-Danielson bout-turned-debacle in the form of a Texas death match, which concluded when Danielson wrapped his knee up in a chain and banged Starks' noggin with it rill hard. Starks failed to answer the 10 count, as one might imagine.

This might be hard to believe if you're not a fan of wrestling, but Ricky Starks actually came out of both of these matches looking stronger than when he came in. Before his first bloody clash with Bryan Danielson at All Out 2023, Ricky Starks felt like a lot of talk with at times seemingly not much backing up the mouth. Two bloody ordeals later opposite the Bryan Danielson, and Ricky Starks feels as real as it gets. Let's see Ricky Starks hungry and off the leash! He deserves the opportunity.

Imagine if The Rock could actually wrestle. That's Ricky Starks! He's got exceptional timing, good technical ability, insane agility, and works an incredible pace in the ring that starts at a 9 and leaves 10 in the rear view mirror.

Ricky Starks makes everything he does in the ring look so gosh darn easy, even working a microphone. Especially working a microphone. Not to mention he has the prettiest and simultaneously most devastating Spear in the business.  Dude has always been on the cusp of greatness and just keeps getting better. Week on week, Starks continues to craft his own nuanced take on the embittered good guy sick of getting screwed over taking what he feels he's owed. There's probably more than a bit of reality baked in there.

The guy is a star. He just is.

I want to believe Danielson is the breed who believes a wrestler goes out on their back. Whether knowingly or not, I think this places the dominoes perfectly for a unique opportunity in 11 months' time: see... Ricky Starks is the guy who's always been almost there. Ricky Starks is guy who always comes up short. Ricky Starks is the guy who just can't quite clinch the big one. Ricky Starks is the guy... who retires Bryan Danielson.

Imagine this: Bryan Danielson shows up the week after winning what everyone believes is his last match to thank the fans for their support. As Danielson leaves the ring to embrace his wife and daughter, we see a look of horror on their faces as Ricky Starks attack Danielson from behind with a chair, absolutely wearing it out on the back of Bryan Danielson. Ricky Starks isn't content to let Danielson leave. It's one year on from the Texas death match, but Starks still holds a grudge. Starks goads Danielson out of retirement for one final war. Starks challenges Danielson to an I Quit match, a stipulation where the only way to win is also its only rule: "make the opponent say 'I quit' by any means necessary," because Ricky Starks isn't content with seeing Danielson retire.  He wants to be remembered as the man who made Bryan Danielson literally quit wrestling.

That last part--that's the part where I'm acalling my shot. That's my petty secondary reason for posting this I mentioned earlier and my prediction: Bryan Danielson's last match will be a loss against Ricky Starks in an "I Quit" match.

After a grueling, horrific nightmare of all-timer, Starks finally manages to put Danielson away. After 20-year career of defying limits, Danielson and Starks take each other right up to the breaking point, but in the end, Starks is the one with that last drop in the tank. Starks has Danielson locked in his own signature submission finisher, the LeBell Lock and forces Danielson to say "I quit" in front of his own family. 

Imagine those boos. You cannot build a star like that by ordinary means. Legitimacy like that is the "rub" a retiring wrestler can give another up-and-comer on the way out the door. That's a story 20 years in the making. A story that can only be built upon the unique circumstance of this shared history at this specific point in time. 

Meet back here in one year and we'll see how good I am at predicting things. 

What's that, Third Party? Trying to predict anything in wrestling a year in advance is laughable on its face? Yeah. I know.

See you in a year.

I Can't Think of a Hook for the Title

Full confession Author's note: My purpose with this blog is trying to highlight lesser known talent and shine a light on things in the industry that I think might make it interesting and amazing to a newcomer's perspective. I'm really trying to make it accessible (God help me, how I'm trying), but sometimes I just gotta rant. They're going to be sparse, but every now and then, they might happen. And with that, I hope you're sitting down, because I've got some bad news about the next 800 words...

Have you ever heard the expression "the first bite is with the eye"? The same is true of wrestling. I'll explain.

The expression refers to the sensory experience of food not just in mere terms of its taste. It isn't merely the flavor on the tongue by which we rate a meal: we look at it in terms of the whole package. It isn't enough for a hamburger's beef patty to melt in your mouth. There's a sizzle. A warm, rich, hearty scent of bacon. The bun has been evenly toasted. The beef has been grilled to perfection. Even the way the grease runs down your fingers feels strangely right. 

Now let's flip the script.

Let's say it still looked juicy, had the same rich taste and aroma, arrived on your plate still sizzling, but every time you brought the burger to your lips it began to tremble in your hand. Your first thought wouldn't be to doubt your sense of touch. You'd wonder what your sense of touch knew that your other senses didn't.

Now let me circle back to Hook.

I mentioned in a previous article  that Hook had an amazing debut (I'm allowed to self-promote on my own blog leave me alone). At the time, he was presented as a killer. And because of that, he looked like a killer. And for a time, they actually made him look like a killer.

And.

He.

Was.

He'd win matches inside of a couple of minutes. The narrative became "could people outlast him and drag him into the deep water and make him drown?" Turns out the answer was yes, and now, despite an impressive win-loss record, Hook appears extremely mortal.

For whatever reason, AEW cooled on Hook. Maybe they didn't know how to book him without putting him in contention for a title. So... I dunno. I'd have just booked him to win a title. Wouldn't he look good with TNT gold? It wasn't even that Hook wasn't working or connecting with audiences. From the perspective of a fan, it one day felt like AEW wrote Hook off because just hadn't hit a level AEW wanted fast enough, so he is no longer being presented as credible to the credible, if you follow me. This leads to the uncanny contrast of a wrestler with something insane like a 28-1 record who somehow comes across as weak. This has never felt more apparent than, while tagging with a 52-year-old-man, Hook is the guy getting singled out and made to look in peril for several minutes in a tag match against a team of bumbling stooge bad guys.

Right? Like... I am not trying to bag on RVD here. The man has an incredible run (and, at 4-0, the longest active undefeated streak at WrestleMania). But the dude is not young. Don't get me wrong. RVD can still go like nobody's business when he turns it on. He's still capable of incredible feats of agility. But RVD is the guest celebrity. He isn't there to make the save. He's there to make the new talent look good. 

This isn't isn't to say it's RVD's fault or Hook's. It's just an incredibly self-defeating way to book a supposedly near-unstoppable fighter. That's why Hook isn't working. Somewhere along the line, AEW stopped presenting Hook as a killer and started presenting him as an accomplice. There's something really disappointing about that.

Despite constantly winning, Hook no longer feels like a winner. It does not take much to convince me that's a dangerous man. Look at him. Hook should not be the lesser member of the team needing to tag in his teammate to save the day; Hook is there to do the saving. He's the ringer.

It's All Predetermined Until It Isn't (Go Rey Fenix!)

Rey Fenix won the International Championship on the September 20, 2023 episode of AEW Dynamite, defeating the extremely popular reigning champion Jon Moxley. Thing is, that wasn't supposed to happen.

Wrestling is where the unpredictable meets the predetermined. There are ugly, recent examples of that happening recently that I don't want to get into. Especially when there's a much more interesting one unfolding right now in AEW that I want to talk about. 

Rey Fenix, the wrong man on the right night, scored the most unexpected 1-2-3 of his career on Wednesday. The pinfall win secured Fenix both the victory and the belt from then-reigning Jon Moxley who was expected to hold the title for months. Those plans crashed with reality and cement when Moxley wasn't able to fully protect his head after being knocked to the ground by a dive from the ramp by Rey Fenix. Moxley's bell had been rang before the timekeeper even had their say.

Watching it back reveals Mox's disoriented stumbling wasn't him selling (pretending to be hurt) for the audience--he briefly got the lights turned out. Moxley had suffered a minor concussion, and the story of the most interesting belt in the company was about to take a sudden turn. Before the official start of the contest, the chain of events leading to the match's shocking final seconds was already in motion.

Despite seemingly recovering from his early disorientation, Moxley made a decision in the match's closing stretch that he couldn't finish the match as planned in his condition. Instead of winning the match and keeping the International Championship belt--the originally agreed-upon finish--Jon Moxley made a call in the ring to take a rare pinfall loss to give Rey Fenix the victory and the title.

That wasn't a decision made in the writing room. That happened live.

Let's not undersell it, here. For Jon Moxley--the person, not the wrestler--this was a choice. Mox didn't know the severity of the injury. He didn't know what might happen if he kept the belt. Could he risk cooling off a hot belt by sitting out a long recovery? Possibly vacate the title if the injury was severe? That's never an ideal situation. Or Moxley could take his chances. He's one of AEW's biggest stars. Nobody would've questioned Mox for making the selfish bet on the injury being minor. There was always a chance he'd be cleared by doctors and back on TV in two weeks. He didn't know.

Instead, Jon Moxley passed the baton, unselfishly dropping the title to a talented wrestler worthy of the the belt (and vice-versa). It was a statement and an endorsement. Moxley was telling the audience, "This is the guy." And Jon Moxley made that decision because it was good for wrestling, not because it was good for Jon Moxley. For as selfish as and cutthroat as the wrestling  business can be, wrestling is at its best when everyone looks out for each other. That sometimes means sometimes the story has to follow life's detours.

It's pretty obvious from the tone surrounding coverage that fans, media, and management are all understandably feeling a bit disappointed. We love Jon Moxley! We wanted to see what the belt would bring out of him (and vice-versa). From the perspective of everyone I've seen reporting on the story, the wrong guy won. I don't think that's a productive assessment.

Did the wrong guy win? I mean, Fenix was in the match. He had legitimate bad blood with Mox going back months. In the storyline, Moxley injured Fenix. Now Fenix injured Moxley and took his championship. There are lots of threads here for telling a great story. It's not that the story we wanted got derailed; instead, it's a chance to tell the story nobody expected.

Nobody planned for this to happen, but here we are! Here's your setup: Rey Fenix is a tag wrestler. Why would he win a singles belt? He's a tag guy! You're telling me we now get to tell a story we never thought they'd get a chance to tell? That's amazing! The guy who was never in a million years gonna win the belt won it and we all get to find out what happens next!

So now that it's been confirmed that Mox is okay and we can all breathe easy, can we all just agree that not nearly enough shine has been put on Rey Fenix regarding his role in this story? Or even asked him about what he's feeling or what he thinks of all this? Rey Fenix deserves a spotlight. He's amazing. Please let me gush about Rey Fenix for a second.

So... look, I'm sorry, but I'm just gonna start at the beginning. I'm really sorry, okay? This is just what I am. I'm just like this. But I'm like this because I need to set the stage for why this is an amazing opportunity for Rey Fenix. 

Rey Fenix is awesome. For the uninitiated: Rey Fenix is a Mexican lunchador and the real-life little brother of fellow tag team and Lucha Bro, Penta El Zero Miedo ("Zero Fear"). and one-quarter of the greatest tag team spectacle to ever happen in a cage. He's also a human highlight reel. I know Penta gets all the accolades and credit and attention (he admittedly is the better character), but Fenix for me was always the more fun Lucha Brother to watch.

In internet wrestling parlance, you'd call me a "moves guy." There are lots of reasons to love wrestling, but for me it doesn't get better than the big, wild high spots of a match (we just call them "spots"). Flashy, elaborate moves that bring the crowd to their feet. Nobody makes those moments quite like Rey Fenix. I need you to just trust me and watch this. You're not doing anything important, and it will be the most fulfilling 2 minutes of your life.

All on the same page now? Everyone with me? Okay, let's continue.

Rey Fenix is 100% let 'er rip and fortified with vitamin bring-it. Guy did a match where he did a flip off a 16' cage onto some dudes. He got kicked in the head with a knockoff Nike covered in thumbtacks. Dude broke his arm doing a table spot for a TV match. My man just tightrope walks from corner to corner because he found somewhere else he wanted to do the backflip. We as a species have done nothing to deserve Rey Fenix, and yet here he is.

"Oh, but he's a tag guy." Third Party, I hear you. Know what, though? Rey Fenix has been having amazing singles matches for years! "Just on Rampage." Try Rampage, Collision, and Ring of Honor. Yeah, Rey Fenix has won a sarcastic amount of tag team gold in pretty much every country with a ring in it. But he doesn't need his brother to fly with the best! The man does human acrobatic violence like 100 nights a year. He works a lot of singles bouts. He's had tons of great singles matches with some of AEW's top talent. He rises to occasions! He's Rey Fenix!

To hear outlets tell it, to Rey Fenix is man of fractions. He's one-half of one of the greatest tag-teams. He was part of the best tag team cage match. Ironically, the only thing he wasn't considered half of was the match for the International Championship. He was just "Moxley's opponent." Rey Fenix is synonymous with duos gold. This is Fenix's first-ever singles title. Nobody planned for this. This wasn't supposed to happen.

Like... just, you know, what??

This is a photo of Rey Fenix at rest. He just... does this. This is Rey Fenix's natural state. This is a just a picture of standard Rey Fenix, as usual, telling gravity to scram. The address on his driver's license just says "up." Everyone else is seeing the man in a mask who can fly, right? That's not just me? 

He's just stupidly good. If you don't believe me, check out this 3-minute highlight clip of Rey Fenix vs. Jungle Boy. This was on free TV. They did this match on the "B show."

Right now, Rey Fenix is holding the International Championship--the belt that traditionally has the opening match of the show--can you even imagine how many asses and eyeballs this man could bring? I am having a legitimate "meeting the Beatles backstage" freakout just thinking about it. Justin Beiber freakouts. BTS. Shut up. I'm old, and screw you if you die after me. Especially you, youths.

If you're anything like me, you think about seeing Rey Fenix walking to the ring with the International Championship belt on his shoulder on Saturday, immediately get excited, drop the dishes you were doing, and apologize to my wife while trying to explain there's a real live man in the world you can see run along the top rope from one end of the ring to the other before doing 38 flips in a row. There's only so hype I can get you with the phrase "Tune in on Saturday to watch Rey Fenix commit physics crimes," so I need you to get the rest of the way there for me just please. Okay? I'm begging. I'm begging you do this for me. I'll invite you to my birthday party.

So I say get yours, Rey Fenix. I hope you go on a five-month run with the belt and beat every member of Blackpool Combat Club on the way to facing Moxley again. Who wins the rematch? We'll figure it out when we get there. What, you think this is all planned out in advance or something? 

Hook Has Always Been Amazing

Let me tell you what I love about Hook. But first, let me tell you about Hook:

Taz's son, Hook, came into the promotion as the fourth man of Team Taz. The silent threat of a cold-hearted enforcer looming in the back of an objectively low-tier heel faction most notable for their incredible chemistry and internal squabbling over a strap of orange pleather and tin called the FTW (Screw The World) Championship.

Don't get it twisted: everyone in the Team Taz stable came out of it a star. These young guys conveyed–"put over"– the importance of an unrecognized non-championship, and did so in the most prestigious alternative wrestling promotion in the world. Powerhouse Hobbs, Ricky Starks, Brian Cage, hell, even Dante Martin if you wanna make the argument? Friggin' amazing how well they all lived up to their potential by the end of Team Taz.

But then there was Hook. What did we make of Hook? He wasn't as physically imposing as the others. I think he even came into the promotion under the legal drinking age. Even in the four minutes that cruiserweight Dante Martin stood alongside Hook, they looked of equal stature. In every promo, there stood Hook. In the background. Mostly eating chips and wearing a hoodie, looking more the part of the stoner couch potato (get it?!) roommate than the grave, frighteningly credible threat his peers billed him as.

Many didn't buy it, myself included, if for no other reason than look at his peers! Why would Hook need to stand with giants? It was enough he stood among them. Then Taz crossed Dante Martin. When a supposed alliance ended with the Dante half of Top Flight making Team Taz collectively look the fool, the order came down from the man himself: "Send Hook."

"Send Hook" had long been something of an AEW meme. An empty threat occasionally made but never acted upon. "Send Hook" evoked images of the cop from Dukes of Hazzard stomping his hat in frustration at being had again. This time, something was different.

Hook debuted on Rampage (back when that meant something) that Friday, and just behold the audience's real-time evolution from jokingly cheering for Hook to full-throated adoration. This is five of the best minutes you will ever watch, and I am not even kidding:

Here's the thing, though. Like his father's WWE arrival 20 years prior, Hook could only get the debut pop once. And you know what I say to that? Who cares. I don't believe in curses! Since then, Hook has gone above and beyond in bearing the weight of those expectations, but he could never live up to that one amazing first night in the ring. He should not have to.

The incredible strides Hook has made this early in his career should be enough. Remember when Jeff Hardy was considered sloppy and dangerous (the first time)? He needed minutes in the ring to perform where the only expectation is "hang in the ring for eight or so minutes with a steady, veteran hand and get the fans to invest in you through a 2-and-a-half-star match."

Hook's skillset stems from startling explosiveness, superhuman core strength, and lightning-fast precise technical submissions. His thing–both good and for ill–is that he's basically never been in the deep water before. Hook beats all of his opponents in a handful of minutes or less. He comes out the gate with the fury of a sledgehammer, shakes off the retaliatory barrage, then comes back to win with one big surge of video game strength and just Cloud Strifes a motherfucker into the canvas.

That's amazing! Enjoy that! I'd pay to see that again, wouldn't you?!

Just enjoy watching merely good, fun matches! Not every night can be Hook's first night. Statistically, most of them won't be! And yet somehow the newcomer nobody took seriously now finds himself bearing the ironic Sisyphean punishment of trying to please an audience expecting those same first-time highs twice a week, but better. Nothing can meet that first flash of brilliance. Give him a break. He's like 24 years old. 

And you know what? Even if Hook's not a top drawing talent, there's no one else in the business like him. Don't you miss Ken Shamrock? Here's new Ken Shamrock but different and in every way better at fighting but also handsome.

Nobody held new stars to such insane expectations following a debut when I started watching wrestling in the mid-90s. At least the fans didn't. The Hardy Boyz and Edge and Christian didn't put on No Mercy '99 ladder matches every night on Raw and Smackdown, and nobody expected them to. Sometimes it was good enough if one of them just wrestled Road Dogg in a match a lot of fans took a piss during. That's fine. The skills they're training in so-called "throwaway matches" are the ones that will someday make classics. We have a blueprint. They don't have to come pre-assembled.

Hook had an incredible debut. That doesn't mean he won't keep getting better with time. But he can't always be at the top of his game. It's unfair to hang to all those expectations on Hook.

No, I didn't just write this whole thing to make that one joke. I had a point about the giving him time to grow thing, too. But the joke was really good.

HEY! Tony Khan! You're the Reason Jade Cargill Is Leaving AEW

I almost hate that a women’s match main evented Collision on Saturday, because to me it stands for the reason I think Jade Cargill quit. Wait. Hold on. That doesn’t mean what it sounds like. Let me explain.

First, let me go out of my way to say that, no, I didn’t really hate the Saturday, September 16th episode of Collision. AEW gave TBS Champion Kris Statlander and the hometown-hot challenger Britt Baker, 15 minutes to tear the house down, and tear it down, they did. The crowd at the Bryce Jordan Center in (*checks notes* are we sure this is correct?) State College, PA threw everything they had that night behind the challenger. They popped for every hope spot, bit on every near-fall, and in the end felt gutted alongside the Pittsburgh native in defeat. In theory, AEW couldn’t book a more perfect moment in time for its first women’s main event on Collision.

A surprise roll-up from Statlander brought the match to a sudden and intriguing end. The defeated Britt Baker’s posture all but signaled the next big feud for Kris Statlander, whose victory marked yet another big win of her run with the belt. Statlander entered the match banged up after a decisive, statement win over former champion Jade Cargill just 24 hours prior. For a match that felt like a war, the clear visual of an unsatisfied Britt Baker eyeing the belt teased that this may have only just been the opening battle. 

There’s no doubt the victory marks the start of a promising new program for the pairing of Baker and Statlander. Former space alien Kris Statlander just marked two of her reign’s most significant highlights thus far on back-to-back nights. It was a historic match, with a good finish, in a well chosen venue, before a hot crowd. So why the salty opening line?

Because, despite how AEW tries to spin it, it's still an affirmation of the status quo. Because it's another non-answer AEW owner Tony Khan can point to in the next media scrum as proof of his "commitment to the women's division." Because it's the another limp overture towards diversity without meaningful change. The newest, shiniest feather in a pretty pathetic cap, to be honest. 

Another loop of the same holding pattern AEW's women have been stuck in for the promotion's entire four-year lifespan. Four years of match cards with one women’s match, maybe two if it’s a pay per view (one of which gets relegated to the pre-show). Four years of struggle and pain and footnotes and trivia answers. 

In the cover-my-ass paragraph of this essay, I said in theory AEW’s booking couldn’t be more perfect. So what’s the problem? As I said, “in theory.” In practice, one change would make the main event perfect. A sign that actual, meaningful change had come to AEW’s roster: if Collision’s first main event women’s match wasn’t its only women’s match.

Let's return to the subject of Jade Cargill for a second. You know, the thesis of this whole gosh darn essay. With Jade showing incredible class in her willingness on her last night in the company to do the favor for Kris Statlander by giving Statlander a clean pinfall victory, Kris got the rub from an all-time inaugural champion with whom the TBS belt will always be inextricably tied. 

Jade's undefeated 60-0 run was, and continues to be, a career-defining and historic achievement (to any of you detractors: she was great, sorry you can't deal with it). Despite having now lost to Kris Statlander both under dubious and non-dubious circumstances, I would argue Jade looks no less impressive for it. In fact, I think Jade comes out of her AEW run now having been defeated as the far more intriguing prospect going forward than, say, Goldberg did coming out of his winning streak.

Jade Cargill being awesome

That's what access to TV time and long-term storytelling can do for a star! Jade Cargill was an amazing prospect built to perfection. She was the archetype. And she left. She left because she saw what lay ahead of her.

No longer the TBS champion, what was next for Cargill? Going back after Kris Statlander right away wouldn't have done anything for Cargill's character. I don't think Jade looks good as the humbled former champion who couldn't recapture glory. What was left for Jade in AEW? The big prize: the AEW Women's World Championship.

And then what? Splitting one match a night with one or two other storylines? A woman of Jade Cargill's talents? Please.

If Jade continues to improve at the rate she has, there's no reason she couldn't be the next Chyna or Beth Phoenix or Brock Lesnar-level, Big Four pay per view special attraction. Why wouldn't Jade Cargill take her chances in WWE? They know how to fumble a sure thing--just ask Cody Rhodes. They also know how to make the defecting AEW golden child look like a million bucks--just ask Cody Rhodes. 

The women of AEW have to fight for time and space to tell their stories--time and space freely afforded to the men. Only one women's match per show means only one storyline gets to advance. The others spin their wheels in backstage segments or don’t make television at all. Women don't get to put on great matches, tell compelling stories, get themselves over, or push the medium of wrestling in Tony Khan's AEW. For some reason (sexism), only the men get to do that.

AEW requires its women to do that while traveling in slow motion. Storytelling lives and dies on momentum. Stories want to get to the point. We don’t invest time and emotion into a page-turner for the joy of turning pages. It's because we want to see what happens next.

Currently, there are two active storylines in AEW involving women (as opposed to the dozen or so storylines involving men): Kris Statlander’s ongoing defense of the TBS Championship and the turmoil involving the former Outcasts. With these two stories unfolding in tandem, AEW’s women are stuck moving at half speed. Only one of these storylines gets a match per show. Sorry, Shida. See you in six to twelve months, I guess.

Like any promotion building up a new star, AEW padded Jade's records with a decent number of bouts against jobbers and enhancement talent. Many of these squashes played out on the confusingly named AEW Dark and AEW Dark Elevation YouTube series, both of which are being phased out. The immediate effect will be women having even less access to matches and chances to appear on screen for AEW, even if only in front of a few hundred people in a non-televised capacity.  Where else will women on AEW’s roster get to compete? Ring of Honor? Sure, but Ring of Honor is an internet-only show, meaning it still doesn't get women performers on TV.

Women had six matches total across every AEW show and promotion per week. That was the "good times." They’re going down to four. Half of an entire promotion's roster gets four matches a week, and the other half gets 25. How do you build multiple storylines with so little TV time to present a program?

That loss of access to TV time and chances to build a fanbase is tragic for the women's division. We are robbed not only of the chance to build another Jade Cargill (hell, another Skye Blue! Or Leyla Hirsch, or Red Velvet, or Big Swole, or Kiera Hogan...), not because of an absence of talent or star power. On the contrary: Britt Baker, Taya Valkyrie, Toni Storm, Kris Statlander, Nyla Rose, Hikaru Shida, Thunder Rosa, Jamie Hayter, Willow Nightingale, Riho, and Ruby Soho could form the foundation of an all-time great women’s roster and put on endless stellar matches if fans ever got to actually see the AEW women in action and find out what they're about.

As these opportunities vanish, Tony Khan dances around the subject. He deflects and knowingly gives non-answers he’s never pressed on. He has a serious problem with how he treats the women he employs. He needs to address those problems and correct them. Tony Khan needs to show leadership, do the right thing, listen to fans, and stop kneecapping the women's roster with an arbitrary one match per night limit. This isn’t just about one wrestler signing a contract or TV time or a presenting a “product.” It’s about equality.

That four years have gone by without the issue so much as being addressed is a failure of leadership. Some of the most talented performers in the sport do not deserve to be stuck in first gear as punishment for not being men. It's sexist, it's unjust, and it's detrimental to the the sport. AEW has tried in some ways to make progress, but overtures to diversity and inclusion feel hypocritical when half the roster is being marginalized. 

Jade was the project, and she was by any measure a bonafide success, but she couldn’t have reached those heights by getting more TV matches any other woman on the roster received. That 60-0 record wasn't reached by sharing. AEW shined her star with access to TV time and match exposure the rest of the division simply didn't have. With that streak broken, her presentation was going to suffer in AEW's system, so why not look elsewhere? She's not going to settle for rising up the pecking order but falling down the card. I'm sorry. People don't work that way.

This is in no way a criticism of Jade Cargill or a condemnation of her decision to sign with WWE. I wish her well, and as much as I wish it weren't the case, I think she made the right decision. That said, I'm sad to see her go. I was a Jade Cargill fan since before her streak was a streak. AEW booked Jade preferentially because they believed in her, and she more than earned her push. She was the star we thought. But she was also smart enough to realize that if AEW was only ever going to push one woman as its big star, sooner or later, it would no longer be her.

A fair bit of reporting on Cargill's departure from AEW casts the former champ as a bit of a mercenary in leaving the place that made her a star in favor of the bigger company and the bigger payday. That her departure is perhaps poor form and comes across as a bit ungrateful. That's a narrative. Not to mention a really disingenuous way to say "Jade Cargill understands her value." Jade left AEW because Jade understood that value far better than AEW ever did. Jade saw the writing on the wall of vanishing opportunity in a crowded division and smartly decided to look for a nicer wall. Loath as I am to give WWE any credit whatsoever, I can't fault them for taking an obvious open goal.

And until women get more than one match a night on AEW, this story will keep happening. Do you want to see Jamie Hayter go to WWE? Kris Statlander? Don't even speak it into existence.